The "why is my porridge not here yet" look

this is my mum, just had supper with her... this is the one woman who ive dated since i knew wad dating was... i used to shop alot wif her... n i will tag along from the woman's clothes department to even the bran and panties section... The supermarket, where i will throw everythg i want into the trolley... n mentally prepare for a feast when i get home... then the toys department... where i will tell her how nice a certain ninja turtle action figure without mentioning the word "buy"... i will then wait for her analysis and decision...

Nowadays... i realise theres less stuff to do with her... and what used to be an undying stamina for shopping has mellowed into what i would now compare to as a walk in the park...i vaguely remember days whereby i called her everyday to ask when she was coming home... and getting real upset when i knew that she wanted to take up a partime job after her 8-5 job, pleading to her not to becuz we wun have time for each other... Nowadays, im just home on the weekends and she calls me almost once or twice a day at least... what she used to hold on to was a small little palm... which now dangles at an uncomfortable distance below her palm, so much so that she holds my upper arm as though we were truly dating...

while this shld never be a reason to take someone for granted, the thought of having someone that will never leave you... someone who showers unconditional love... never fails to soothe any unsettled feelings one might have... i used to think, i had already found 2 such persons, only to realise that such thots are but illusions... someone unselfish, truly having my best interests in mind, using every ounce of effort to make sure my life is in order, always reassuring me that everythg she does is for me...

Then again, i refuse to bow down... its just not me... reading an online book called 1984... something caught my eye, bringing out some deep and stirring thots from within... "'Who controls the past, controls the future; who controls the present controls the past... I refuse to let my past control me, cuz it undermines my appreciation and ability to believe in the present... I try my best to control the future, such that a better future will make the past serve nothing but a baseline underlining how bright the future is... I still believe i have found 2 such persons...

beliefs... believe... hmm... why this sudden burst of emotions i do not know... must be a sudden burst of randomnness at work again =)

10:45 PM